I don’t need you.
At least, that’s what I tell myself
I don’t want to want you
But every time we have drama,
it cuts
It hurts
But it heals
But that doesn’t mean that I hate you
I don’t hate you
I just hate that I’ve grown close to you
I hate that everytime I’m not okay you’re not okay.
I hate that you don’t tell me everything but get upset when I can’t tell you.
I mean how many times can two people go back and forth from friends to not talking anymore?
But friends don’t hurt you the way that you did me. I’ve been given a million opportunities to hurt you the way you hurt me.
And yet I never did
God, we are SO toxic together
And yet when we stop talking? When we aren’t together? When I decide to distance myself from you?
It cuts
It bleeds
But it heals.
When you told me about your scars, I told you about mine.
When you opened up that pandora’s box of trust, I thanked prometheus instead of shunned him. I became a mirror reflecting what was shown, the image of our scars and wounds shown on the other because what one of us did the other had to do too.
But that mirror had a flaw.
It could never reflect the strength.
I could never have the strength that you had.
I SCREWED UP
I PUSHED YOU AWAY AND TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME BACK
I TOOK OUR FRIENDSHIP AND PAINTED IT BLACK
I TOOK MY GLASS-LIKE FRAGILITY AND THREW IT ON THE FLOOR
AND YET YOU STILL STAYED, TRYING FOREVERMORE.
And all I could say, was
Put your strength down.
Do not cut yourself on my broken shards.
I’m not a mirror anymore, now I’m just broken.
You can stop taking my scars for yourself.
The scars on my arms can stop showing on yours.
You gave me these scars. But that doesn’t mean I want you to take them for yourself.
So once again I pushed you away.
One again my heart of clay
Becomes bone dry.
And I know no one else will try.
You were the only one who always came back
Funnily enough, you always had a knack
For bringing me back to reality.
I don’t want to want you.
But I need to have you here
I don’t hate you
I hate that I love you.
Do not cut yourself on my broken shards
I learned that the hard way.
But if you do
It cuts
It Bleeds
But it will heal.